View from the Pier

Beth Brewster, age 48, is founder and executive director of Giving Asha, a non-profit organization providing hope and opportunity to the women and children of Cambodia, Myanmar and Nepal.

Beth and I were classmates at New England College in the late 1970s and early 80s. In re-connecting recently, she referred to having “made the best friends of my life” while living in “the only Henniker on Earth” as it was affectionately called. Having met my husband Tom there, I can make the same claim.

I certainly feel that travel has changed my life and my outlook. For Beth, the transformation has been dramatic. As a result of a trek to Asia with her sister, for the past decade-plus, Beth has lived in Nepal eight months of each year. Her life there includes shoot-to-kill curfews, corruption, lack of running water—and the rewards of teaching youngsters English, reuniting children with parents, and receiving lots of hugs!

We hope you enjoy this conversation with Beth, as she shares her experience of finding her place in the world through travel, and service, while realizing that everyone needs the space and opportunity to find and fulfill their own dreams.
(photographs are courtesy of Beth Brewster)

Meg: When did you first go to Nepal, what drew you there and can you describe your initial experience?

Beth: I first came to Nepal with my sister in 1998. We had both quit our jobs to travel and since it was her idea I let her pick where we would go. Though I had traveled a lot and been to developing countries, I had never been to Asia and did not really know what to expect. We came to Nepal first for a month and did two treks, whitewater rafting and a jungle safari. We then spent about three months traveling in Thailand, Laos and Bali—and I thought about coming back to Nepal the whole time. The Nepalese are a beautiful, genuine people, who deserve all the help we can give them to reach their potential.

Meg: How did you envision your future before going to Nepal?

Beth: I was an Environmental Science major and thought I wanted to work for the National Park Service. Luckily, I had the opportunity to work in the state park systems in both New York and New Hampshire and see first-hand all the bureaucracy and nepotism. I did not want to spend my life involved in that. I had no plan ‘B’ and did not know what to do with myself. I worked as a computer operator at NCR and climbed the ranks to operations supervisor. After ten years at NCR, I went to Sungard Systems to run their computer room, which is where I was when my sister approached me about traveling. When I decided to quit my job to travel for a few months, I had no idea that it would lead me to my life today.

Meg: Hindsight is 20/20. With the ability to now look back, what were the major factors that led you to the life you have today?

Beth: The biggest factor was my sister asking me to travel with her. I had always wanted to travel for a long period of time, but thought it was too complicated and didn’t know who I could go with that I could get along with through all the hassles that come with international travel. I was also in the right frame of mind, ready and open to a change. After already having left a job that I was in for over ten years, it was much easier to leave after only two.

Meg: When was the first time you traveled alone and what was your impression of the experience?

Beth: When I first got out of high school I got a job in the Catskills in New York. I worked in a state park where I had never been before and had a great time hiking around the trails with “tourists” —even though many had been coming there for years. I had to read a lot of local history so as not to get “caught out” by the annual visitors. I got to travel and live in a new place and met one of my best friends, so it was all positive.

I had always wanted to travel abroad and during senior year at NEC I spent two-and-a-half months traveling in Europe. I met up with friends who were spending a semester at NEC’s Arundel, England campus, and we traveled together in Europe during their break. Then I did Greece, south of France and Spain, and up to Denmark and Germany on my own.

Meg: Can you describe Giving Asha, its mission, and history, in the context of your own personal development and growth?

Beth: Asha means “hope” in Nepali. Our basic mission is to improve the lives of marginalized women and children through education and family assistance.

When I first returned to Nepal after the trip with my sister, I did not know exactly what I was going to do, only that there was great need and I was ready to help. I went back cold and arrived late October 1999 and was scheduled to leave in January, but decided to stay until late May, which was my visa limit.

I chanced to meet two Scottish girls living in a home to children of prisoners–many of these children had been living in the prisons with their parents. This was the beginning of my work with children of prisoners and Janana Woman’s prison in Kathmandu.

Children’s homes are very widespread here in Kathmandu—there are more than 250. They are usually run by families as a business under the guise of social work. Very few actually put the children and their needs first. There are several devoted solely to children of prisoners like the first one I went to with the Scottish girls. Some are mixed with orphans and many kids who don’t need to be there at all–relatives or children of friends. Running the homes for some just adds up to sponsorships and money. I am a bit cynical.

Prisons in Nepal are not the same as in the west. There are no cells, but an open area and dorm-style rooms, with just an iron gate and sitting area at the entrance. The women usually live four to eight in a room and share cooking supplies. The government gives them 700 grams of bad rice a day and 45 NR (60 cents) for all other needs, like cooking fuel, soap, clothes, etc.

Children are only supposed to stay with their parents until age five, but I know a six-year-old boy who is now living in one with his mother. She is the teacher at the school inside the prison, which we provide supplies to. She knows these homes and wants us to try and place him directly in a school instead. Most English medium schools have hostels and I think I have found one that will take him. Cross fingers!

In 1999, I also was invited to help teach a class at Missionaries of Charity’s non-formal educational school. It was at this school that I got the idea of opening a library. There were so many children learning English, but they had no access to English language materials. I also learned that children cannot concentrate on their studies when they are hungry, sick or there is a problem at home and this is how I became involved in what I refer to as “Family Assistance.” Family Assistance can be anything from food support to medical treatment for a parent.

Meg: What characteristics have been your biggest strengths, and what would be attributes you have had to develop as a result of the work you do?

Beth: I feel I am pretty adaptable to my surroundings and don’t need many creature comforts, like running water and electricity, or variety in my diet. I was a little thin- skinned when I first came and would get hurt if things didn’t go well or I was not able to accomplish what I wanted. Now I understand that some days the only thing I may accomplish is making a child feel loved and cared about and that has to be enough to get me through to the next day.

Meg: Has service to others always been important to you?

Beth: I would like to think so, maybe just not always at the forefront. My mother worked for a non-profit when I was young so the idea was not totally foreign to me, but I don’t think you set out to this, it finds you.

Meg: Was there any “aha moment” when you realized that your life’s work was with children in Nepal?

Beth: I don’t know if it was “aha, I will stay and work with children in Nepal,” but I do remember the first time I had a student get a concept and the feeling was amazing. I remember thinking ‘this feeling is why people become teachers.’ But it is not all altruism. The rewards are not monetary, but they are there in other forms—smiles, tears of relief, and lots of hugs.

Meg: Could you describe one of your most rewarding moments?

Beth: My second year here one of the girls in one of the children’s homes told me her mother was mad. I said “mad crazy or mad angry?” She said “crazy, she talks to herself and screams in her sleep and other odd behavior.” I asked what the doctors said. She said she had never been to the doctors. I asked why not. She told me her mother is in a village where there are no doctors and that her family could not afford to take her to a doctor in Kathmandu. I said I would pay for the doctor if they could get her to Kathmandu.

We took her to the doctor and she was diagnosed as schizophrenic, and admitted to the hospital for ten days while they adjusted her medication. She will never be 100%, but she is over 70% and has a normal family life surrounded by children and grandchildren. Total cost: $100!

Reuniting children with their parents after years of separation and giving them a chance to be a family again is also a very rewarding experience. It is so great to see a child whom had been in a children’s home being a real natural child, being fed by their own mother, whining to their mother, sitting in their mother’s lap and try to fit years of separation into every minute. It reinforces why I am here.

Meg: There must be heartbreaking moments—could you share one of those experiences?

Beth: I was asked by a group working in a children’s hospital if I could find an organization to take in a three-year-old girl with hydrocephalus (water on the brain). Her parents had abandoned her at the hospital and she has spent her whole life with little or no stimulation or human contact. I knew an organization that immediately agreed to take her to their home for handicapped children outside the Kathmandu valley. She would be with other children, receive love and affection, be in a beautiful environment, see the trees, sun and moon, and, finally, get to experience life. When we went to get final approval from the hospital director, he rescinded his permission, because the nurses said they would miss having her around.

Decisions are seldom made in the child’s best interest, but often for the benefit or ease of the adults around them. That is the big heartbreak of working here, the exploitation of children to advance adults personal agendas and line their pockets. I think the new Save The Children report states that four out of five children living in orphanages has a living parent, which backs up my cynicism here.

Meg: You grew up in the Boston suburbs–what kind of an adjustment was your first year in Nepal?

Beth: I had never lived in a city, but back in 1999 Kathmandu was a lot smaller than it is today, so it was manageable for me. That first year I stayed in a hotel for $3 a day and walked through Pashupatinat on my way to teach at the Missionary of Charities non-formal education school. Pashupati is the largest Shiva temple in Asia and the most sacred place to be cremated in Nepal. Many of my students lived in Pashupati and I came to know many of their families. The only westerners I saw were the tourist visiting the temple and funeral pyres. I loved it, and the ability to assimilate and be accepted into the culture is part of what keeps me coming back.

Meg: I know that several of your college friends are active supporters of Giving Asha. Could you describe the role of these long-time friends in the evolution of your work?

Beth: I am only able to do this with all the love and support of my friends and family. It was Bernadette Keyes’ idea to formalize what I had been doing out of my pocket into a non-profit. She put me in touch with a friend of hers from law school who does tax law and he edited and advised me on the IRS application and she did the local incorporation. Jenny Brown Shyer was a natural choice because of her own tax and Peace Corps background. Kristin Derrah has been a longtime supporter who has willingly taken up the task of secretary and handles most of our correspondences. Plus Bern and Kristin hold an annual fundraiser at Bern’s home in Connecticut.

Meg: I know you spend part of each year in Nepal, and part in Connecticut. How do you find the “re-entry” or transition into these very different cultures and has it gotten easier, or more difficult, over time?

Beth: I have a great life—doing my work here from late September to early May, and then being a “nanny on the beach” as I refer to it, watching Bern’s daughter. I hope to do more fund-raising in the future, but summers are difficult as people are away and schools are closed.

The second year I had a rough time, but I think it was harder on Alex, Bern’s daughter. She was about eight years old and just a kid from an upper middle class family and every time she didn’t finish her food or drink I would go off about staving children in Nepal. I have learned that there are better ways to educate people about the plight of others.

It is very surreal to go from little or no facilities to hot and cold potable water 24 hours a day. We have “load shedding” (another term for blackouts) every day—we were up to 16 hours a day in April! It is no wonder Nepal has such a difficult time developing when businesses cannot operate and students cannot study to get ahead.

Meg: How has your life in Nepal changed your view of the world?

Beth: I hope I have become more tolerant. People here live their religion everyday and are very tolerant of all religions. You often see a blend of Buddhist and Hindu spiritual leaders involved in religious rites, monks chanting on one day and a Hindu priest the next. Many pujas (prayers) go on for days and are often held in the open for passersby to see. Everyday I pass offerings in the small neighborhood temples, offerings literally on the streets and, of course, the sacred cows anywhere they want to be.

Meg: I know you have a “Nepali daughter,” who is now attending college in California–can you describe that relationship?

Beth: I have loved this child since the first day I met her. I don’t want to go into details because it is her story and I need to respect her privacy. I can just tell you that she seemed to need me more than the others so I went out of my way to spend time with her and she stole my heart. She is now a beautiful young lady whom I am having trouble letting grow-up and make her own decisions, even though this is what I have been encouraging her to do for the last nine years.

Meg: Has a stranger ever made a difference in your day, and, if so, could you describe the experience?

Beth: Strangers always make a difference in your day if you let them, whether it is them doing something for you, or them allowing you to do something for them. Can’t a smile or jester make or break your day?

Just last week the roads were closed to public transportation because some dignitary from Sri Lanka was here. I needed to get to the bus counter in 15 minutes to reserve a bus to take kids to a dental camp. Someone driving down the road saw that I was frantically looking for transport and offered me a ride and I was able to book our bus.

Meg: Have you ever taken a “wrong turn” and had an experience or learned or seen something that you would not have wanted to miss?

Beth: The first time I saw a dead body being carried down to the ghat to be cremated in Pashupati I tried to shield all the kids from looking, not realizing that this was a daily occurrence for them. It made me very aware of the differences in how we deal with death in the west and how we try to shelter children from it. Here the whole mourning period and rites associated with death must involve children, if they are old enough. The son is suppose to place the fire in the parent’s mouth during the cremation, a very emotional thing for us, but something that they have been raised to accept as part of their culture. I think we in the west could really learn some things from the way they deal with death. That is not to say I agree with everything, as many families go into debt to pay for all the pujas, priest and feast associated with the death of a loved one.

Both Hindus and Buddhists practice cremation in Nepal. For Hindus it must take place the first day as soon as the family has had a chance to assemble as they believe the soul will be released and pass to the other side faster, Buddhist usually have three days of mourning and then cremation. Usually the death rites are held in the home; if you have money there are rooms at Pashuipatinath to hold them. The Hindu priest comes every morning and on two days, all day, and on another day a group of monks will come to the same home, but not both at the same time. Offerings usually involve a little rice, flower petals, tika powder, an oil-burning wick, incense and maybe some fruit.

Meg: A lot of people question their “inner voice” or “intuition,” and can be afraid it is only wishful thinking. What is your experience with intuition?

Beth: I can’t help but follow it, but in another culture it sometimes gets you into trouble. As guests in another country we need to respect the local culture, but sometimes doing what we think is right can create awkward situations. For example, mixing with different castes, and helping one can embarrass the other, or sometimes embarrasses them both.

Even though the caste system has been outlawed since the sixties, that’s true really only on the books and it is still in practice today. People determine each other’s caste from name, physical features, part of the country they are from and their job. Even though some barriers are being broken down, members of most castes like to work and live amongst themselves and look down on others solely because of their name.

This is one of those areas that gets me in trouble because I do not care and sometimes mix castes together in situations, which makes them uncomfortable. We are putting one of our students from a lower caste into a hostel run by a higher caste and she is worried about how she will be treated, something we never thought of, but something we will have to keep an eye on.

But I never doubt myself when it comes to just putting children first and not worrying about the repercussions.

Meg: Have you ever had an experience that affirmed you were on the right “path,” literally or figuratively, something that made you feel you were moving in the right direction?

Beth: I don’t know if I have had affirmations that I am on the right “path,” but as long as I am continuing to grow and evolve while being able to have an impact on others’ lives I think I am doing the right thing.

Meg: What is a spiritual practice you engage in?

Beth: My spiritual practice is to remember to look up on a clear day and see the Himalaya and remember how lucky I am to be here. It is amazing what an impact these mountains can have on you. I also enjoy witnessing others sincerely involved in their daily pujas.
Meg: Fear or self-doubt is part of the human condition. Can you describe an instance where you experienced fear or self-doubt, and how you dealt with that? For example, I know there has been serious political upheaval, including a coup, in Nepal while you were in-country—those had to be frightening times.

Beth: On June first 2001, the Nepalese royal family was slain at their residence here in Kathmandu. At the time I was staying with a British friend and one of his students from the Australian embassy called to say the royal family had been killed. I assumed since he was British and she was calling from the Australian embassy that they were talking about the British royal family, until he told me to go see what was happening in the street.

We were less than 500 meters from the Royal palace so I ran out into the streets to see what was going on. A curfew had been called though we did not know at the time, so there was no traffic and only a few tires burning in the streets. There were large groups of police, army and royal guards at the corner of the palace. The next day there was still no news from the government on what had happened and to a country that viewed its king as their father, it was devastating. Most men shaved their heads as every son does upon the death of a parent.

On the second day we went to see what was happening and things were quiet so we went to have a cup of tea at the Malla Hotel located between the palace and a big government university campus. We don’t know what instigated it, only that when we went to leave, to the right was the palace and all the armed men, and to left were the unarmed students so we chose to run with the student who were being tear-gassed and lathicharged (long stick).

There have also been several “shoot to kill” curfews, but if you use common sense there is never any real danger.

My fears come more from “Am I helping or guiding a child in the right direction or making the best decision for him or her” than from violence and politics, though the unstable political situation does impact where and how you can work. In the end I will always be a Westerner and they will be Nepalese from a developing country, and finding the balance to bring them forward in a practical—in a Nepalese context—and sustainable way is hard. Our dreams for them are not necessarily theirs and we have to give them space and opportunity to come to their own best solutions.

For more information on Giving Asha, visit www.givingasha.org

Other interesting links:

www.kathmandusukunda.org (Lions Club)

www.roomtoread.org (Books)

www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/np.html (Info on Nepal)

http://www.globaldentalrelief.org/ (Dental Camp)